miss whoever-you-are!
something different bloomed, writing in my room. I play my songs in the parking lot...make the friendship bracelets, take the moment & taste it. (you're on your own kid - taylor swift)
hey there & happy tuesday morning! I hope you had a very happy week full of love & memories. thank you for being here! if you enjoy my content, please make sure that you are subscribed to get weekly updates straight to your inbox:
the week recap! week of: 7/1/25 - 7/7/25
I will be the gladdest thing under the sun!
I will touch a hundred flowers & not pick one.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
there’s this one scene in Truman Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s where the main female character, the ever-so enchanting & seemingly ditzy Holly Golightly, is described by OJ Bermen, a minor character, as “a phony. but a real phony, you know?” & boy does he have a good read on her. Holly is a New York it-girl just trying to make it in the hectic city life without feeling too lonely & too attached all at once; she’s a sweet girl who’s involved in organized crime, has a past as an escaped child bride, & she constantly cons $50 for the powder room. underneath her dramatic flare, she longs for a place to feel like she belongs - it’s why she frequents Tiffany’s! this compelling jewelry store has become Holly’s church-like establishment of devotion. a real complicated phony she is, yes, but aren’t we all?
at least I happen to feel like one.
for those of you who don’t know, I post a majority of my life on social media & I’m very open about my faith-walk on the Internet. & as my good friend Claudia said once, “I would get jealous of myself if I stalked my own page.” the girl in those videos on social media is me, yes, & she’s also simultaneously trying her hand at being vulnerable & polished & relatable & pleasing to the TikTok feed. sometimes, it gets hard for her to remember who she really is under the perfection facade she strives for. she’s a real phony, one might say, just trying to make it as a Christian girl in a big, secular world.
it feels strange to have to take my own advice from time to time. I fall short, I post on Instagram, I criticize myself, I have dreams I’m scared won’t be fulfilled, I post on TikTok, I run to God, I wallow in anxiety till I’m nauseous, I feel insecure, I laugh loudly, I worry about things I can’t control, I read my Bible 3x a day, I forget to pray - the list goes on & on. have you ever seen a southern grandma’s giant patchwork quilt, handmade & intricate & full of love with a story in every square? that’s how beautifully complex we were made to be. made by the Lord with His hands full of love & purpose. it’s okay to feel a bit of a mess from time to time, you are handmade after all. we are also quite literally museums of the people we have loved & of the experiences that the Lord has used to shape us; people love museums!
recently, I have felt more flawed than ever & more creatively dry than I have in a while. maybe that’s why I feel a bit like a phony - I’ve distanced myself from rooting my identity the Lord because I don’t want Him to see me when I feel too imperfect to be proud of.
Paul Varjak, Holly’s love interest in the classic film, says to her once in an argument: “you know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-You-Are? you’re chicken, you’ve got no guts…you call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing, & you’re terrified somebody’s going to stick you in a cage. well, baby, you’re already in that cage. you built it yourself…no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.” & I’ve got to say, sometimes I feel like this dialogue accurately describes my spiritual intimacy with the Lord.
no matter how far I run, I just keep running into circles composed of my own flaws inside of a cage of perfection I’ve put myself in instead of running into the Lord’s open arms. miss whoever-you-are! who even am I?
well, for starters, I’m a daughter of the King who doesn’t always have to have her life together to be loved - this is a lesson I’m still learning. & yet, I am still loved despite my fears & my insecurities & even through all the ways I tend to fall short. I am obedient to the Lord’s call & there is no need to feel like an imposter when I step out in faith even when I don’t feel qualified.
give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
for His steadfast love endures forever.
give thanks to the God of gods,
for His steadfast love endures forever.
give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for His steadfast love endures forever;to Him who alone does great wonders,
for His steadfast love endures forever;
to Him who by understanding made the heavens,
for His steadfast love endures forever.
Psalm 136:1-5 (gratitude for His love seems to be a key theme here!)
at the Awakening Project, a pastor prayed over me that I would believe that I am absolutely drenched in the love of the Lord in every waking & sleeping moment despite my own tendency to believe I am unloveable. that’s been my motto as of recent & something that I’m praying over you today, sweet friend! you are not a phony & your identity is clothed in the Lord’s love for you. Holly might be lost in a big world, but we have the beautiful gift of anchoring ourselves to the Rock of Ages when we feel like floating away. what makes up your unique & divinely handmade quilt of complexity?
this was a bit of different-style & vulnerable post today, but I hope you felt seen in some niche way (even if you just also like this classic movie as much as I do)! thank you all so very much for supporting me & encouraging me in this season. I hope each of you has a very happy rest of the week! love you! Jesus loves you! praying for you! peace! thank you for being here & I hope to see you again soon! 🕊️
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“therefore, encourage one another & build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Such good words! Finding your identity in the Lord can be so difficult, but it is so fulfilling when we just hand everything over to Him. Great post!! 😌